Ps 39:12

“"Innumerable evils have compassed me about" [Psalm 40:12]. Who can number sins? Who can count his own sins, and those of others? A burden under which he was groaning, who said, "Cleanse Thou me from my secret faults; and from the faults of others, spare Thou Thy servant, O Lord." Our own are too little; those "of others" are added to the burden. I fear for myself; I fear for a virtuous brother, I have to bear with a wicked brother; and under such burthen what shall we be, if God's mercy were to fail? "But Thou, Lord, remove not afar off." Be Thou near unto us! To whom is the Lord near? "Even" unto them that "are of a broken heart." He is far from the proud: He is near to the humble. "For though the Lord is high, yet hath He respect unto the lowly." But let not those that are proud think themselves to be unobserved: for the things that are high, He "beholdeth afar off." He "beheld afar off" the Pharisee, who boasted himself; He was near at hand to succour the Publican, who made confession. The one extolled his own merits, and concealed his wounds; the other boasted not of his merits, but laid bare his wounds. He came to the Physician; he knew that he was sick, and that he required to be made whole; he "dared not lift up his eyes to Heaven: he smote upon his breast." He spared not himself, that God might spare him; he acknowledged himself guilty, that God might "ignore" the charge against him. He punished himself, that God might free him from punishment. ..."Mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I could not see." There is a something for us "to see;" what prevents us so that we see it not? Is it not iniquity? From beholding this light your eye is prevented perhaps by some humour penetrating into it; perhaps by smoke, or dust, or by something else that has been thrown into it: and you have not been able to raise your wounded eye to contemplate this light of day. What then? Will you be able to lift up your wounded heart unto God? Must it not be first healed, in order that thou mayest see? Do you not show your pride, when you say, "First let me see, and then I will believe"? Who is there who says this? For who that would fain see, says, "Let me see, and then I will believe"? I am about to manifest the Light unto thee; or rather the Light Itself would fain manifest Itself to thee! To whom? It cannot manifest Itself to the blind. He does not see. Whence is it that he seeth not? It is that the eye is clogged by the multitude of sins. ..."They are more than the hairs of my head." He subjects the number of the "hairs of his head" to calculation. Who is there can calculate the number of the hairs of his head? Much less can he tell the number of his sins, which exceed the number of the hairs of his head. They seem to be minute; but they are many in number. You have guarded against great ones; you do not now commit adultery, or murder; you do not plunder the property of others; you do not blaspheme; and do not bear false witness; those are the weightier kind of sins. You have guarded against great sins, what are you doing about your smaller ones? You have cast off the weight; beware lest the sand overwhelm you. "And my heart hath forsaken me." What wonder if thine heart is forsaken by thy God, when it is even "forsaken" by itself? What is meant by "faileth me," "forsaketh me"? Is not capable of knowing itself. He means this: "My heart hath forsaken me." I would fain see God with mine heart, and cannot from the multitude of my sins: that is not enough; mine heart does not even know itself. For no one thoroughly knows himself: let no one presume upon his own state. Was Peter able to comprehend with his own heart the state of his own heart, who said, "I will be with Thee even unto death"? There was a false presumption in the heart; there was lurking in that heart at the same time a real fear: and the heart was not able to comprehend the state of the heart. Its state was unknown to the sick heart itself: it was manifest to the physician. That which was foretold of him was fulfilled. God knew that in him which he knew not in himself: because his heart had forsaken him, his heart was unknown to his heart.”

“The church of God, buffeted by billows from the godless, in its struggles is not carried away but attributes developments to sins and failings and begs to enjoy assistance from the Savior. In a particular way, the church of God is not composed completely of perfect people; instead, it numbers also those addicted to sloth and inclined to the careless life, who choose to serve pleasure. Since it is one body, both features are displayed as in the case of one person.”

“Another cause is the necessity of evils. And he presents a twofold evil: namely evils inflicted from without, and evils from within, at "My iniquities have overtaken me." As to the first he says, "For evils without number have surrounded me," namely evils that are inflicted upon me both by the world and by enemies: Ps. 117: "They surrounded me like bees"; and he says, "without number," because there are infinite dangers in the world and infinite wicked people: Eccl. 1: "The number of fools is infinite." The interior evils are sins; and these evils are dangerous in two ways: because of their gravity, since "my iniquities have overtaken me," that is, my sins have bound me by their weight: Prov. 5: "His own iniquities capture the wicked man"; "and I was not able to see": Wis. 2: "Their own malice has blinded them": Is. 59: "Your iniquities have made a division between you and your God." Likewise, they are dangerous because of their multitude. Hence he says, "They have been multiplied beyond the hairs of my head." For just as hairs are innumerable, so sins are innumerable, and especially venial sins: which, if they do not terrify because of their weight, nevertheless terrify because of their multitude. The Gloss says: if you have avoided grave sins, beware lest you be overwhelmed by sand; not that venial sins of whatever kind and however many constitute a mortal sin, but because they dispose toward it: Jas. 3: "In many things we all offend." The effect of this is the distraction of the heart: Eccl. 10: "Dying flies spoil the sweetness of the ointment." And therefore he says, "And my heart has forsaken me"; as if to say, even if they do not take away charity, they nevertheless impede fervor, and so the heart is distracted so that it is not fervent: 2 Sam. 7: "Your servant has found his heart to pray this prayer to you." Or, "My heart has forsaken me," that is, it has not thought about what is useful for me: Ps. 37: "The light of my eyes is not with me."”