Ps 54:5

“"Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and darkness hath covered me." "And I have said," "He that hateth his brother, is in darkness until now." If love is light, hatred is darkness. And what saith to himself one set in that weakness and troubled in that exercise? "Who shall give me wings as to a dove, and I shall fly and shall rest?" Either for death he was wishing, or for solitude he was longing. So long, he saith, as this is the work with me, as this command is given me, that I should love enemies, the revilings of these men, increasing and shadowing me, do derange mine eye, perturb my sight, penetrate my heart, slay my soul. I could wish to depart, but weak I am, lest by abiding I should add sins to sins: or at least may I be separated for a little space from mankind, lest my wound suffer from frequent blows, in order that when it hath been made whole it may be brought back to the exercise. This is what takes place, brethren, and there ariseth ofttimes in the mind of the servant of God a longing for solitude, for no other reason than because of the multitude of tribulations and scandals, and he saith, "Who shall give me wings?" Doth he find himself without wings, or rather with bound wings? If they are wanting, be they given; if bound, be they loosed; because even he that looseth a bird's wings, either giveth, or giveth back to it its wings. For it had not as though its own them, wherewith it could not fly. Bound wings make a burden. "Who," he saith, "shall give me wings as to a dove, and I shall fly and shall rest?" Shall rest, where? I have said there are two senses here: either, as saith the Apostle, "To be dissolved and to be with Christ, for it is by far the best thing." ...Even he that amended cannot be, is thine, either by the fellowship of the human race, or ofttimes by Church Communion; he is within, what wilt thou do? whither wilt go? whither separate thyself, in order that these things thou mayest not suffer? But go to him, speak, exhort, coax, threaten, reprove. I have done all things, whatever powers I had I have expended and have drained, nothing I see have I prevailed; all my labour hath been spent out, sorrow hath remained. How then shall my heart rest from such men, except I say, "Who shall give me wings?" "As to a dove," however, not as to a raven. A dove seeketh a flying away from troubles, but she loseth not love. For a dove as a type of love is set forth, and in her the plaint is loved. Nothing is so fond of plaints as a dove: day and night she complaineth, as though she were set here where she ought to complain. What then saith this lover? Revilings of men to bear I am unable, they roar, with frenzy are carried away, are inflamed with indignation, in anger they shadow me; to do good to them I am unable; O that I might rest somewhere, being separated from them in body, not in love; lest in me there should be troubled love itself: with my words and my speech no good can I do them, by praying for them perchance I shall do good. These words men say, but ofttimes they are so bound, that to fly they are not able. For perchance they are not bound with any birdlime, but are bound by duty. But if they are bound with care and duty, and to leave it are unable, let them say, "I was wishing to be dissolved and to be with Christ, for it is by far the best thing: to abide in the flesh is necessary because of you." A dove bound back by affection, not by cupidity, was not able to fly away because of duty to be fulfilled, not because of little merit. Nevertheless a longing in heart must needs be; nor doth any man suffer this longing, but he that hath begun to walk in that narrow way: in order that he may know that there are not wanting to the Church persecutions, even in this time, when a calm is seen in the Church, at least with respect to those persecutions which our Martyrs have suffered. But there are not wanting persecutions, because a true saying is this, "All that will godly to live in Christ, shall suffer persecution." ...”

“We would falter when the persecutor is present if the comforter were absent. And because the strength to endure or some relief from life's burdens for necessary ministry did not come from themselves, see what he said: "I make known to you, brothers, the affliction that came upon us in Asia, that we were burdened exceedingly, beyond our strength." That affliction surpassed human strength: did it also surpass divine help? He said, "We were burdened beyond measure, beyond our strength." How much beyond strength? See that he speaks of the strength of the soul: "So that we despaired even of life." How burdened was the Apostle by the multitude of oppressions that he, whom love urged to live, was wearied of life! How love impelled him to live, that love of which he says elsewhere: "But to remain in the flesh is necessary for your sakes." Behold, such a great persecution had increased, and such a tribulation, that he despaired even of life. Behold, fear and trembling came upon him, and darkness covered him, as you heard when it was said in the Psalm. For it is the voice of the body of Christ, the voice of the members of Christ. Do you wish to recognize your own voice there? Be a member of Christ. "Fear," he says, "and trembling fell upon me, and darkness covered me. And I said: Who will give me wings like a dove? And I will fly and be at rest." Does it not seem that the Apostle said this when he said: "So that we despaired even of life"? He somehow suffered weariness from the snare of the flesh; he wished to fly to Christ; the abundance of tribulations beset his path but did not block it. He was weary of life, but not in that eternal life, of which he says: "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." But since he was held here by love, what follows? "But if to live in the flesh means fruitful labor for me, then I do not know which I prefer. I am hard-pressed between the two: having a desire to depart and be with Christ." Who will give me wings like a dove? "But to remain in the flesh is necessary for your sakes." He yielded to his whispering fledglings; he covered them with outspread wings, he nursed the fledglings, as he himself said: "I became small in your midst, like a nurse caring for her children."”