Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them.

“See how again he has exhorted to reciprocity. As in the other case he enjoineth fear and love, so also doth he here. For it is possible for one who loves even, to be bitter. What he saith then is this. Fight not; for nothing is more bitter than this fighting, when it takes place on the part of the husband toward the wife. For the fightings which happen between beloved persons, these are bitter; and he shows that it ariseth from great bitterness, when, saith he, any one is at variance with his own member. To love therefore is the husband's part, to yield pertains to the other side. If then each one contributes his own part, all stands firm. From being loved, the wife too becomes loving; and from her being submissive, the husband becomes yielding. And see how in nature also it hath been so ordered, that the one should love, the other obey. For when the party governing loves the governed, then everything stands fast. Love from the governed is not so requisite, as from the governing towards the governed; for from the other obedience is due. For that the woman hath beauty, and the man desire, shows nothing else than that for the sake of love it hath been made so. Do not therefore, because thy wife is subject to thee, act the despot; nor because thy husband loveth thee, be thou puffed up. Let neither the husband's love elate the wife, nor the wife's subjection puff up the husband. For this cause hath He subjected her to thee, that she may be loved the more. For this cause He hath made thee to be loved, O wife, that thou mayest easily bear thy subjection. Fear not in being a subject; for subjection to one that loveth thee hath no hardship. Fear not in loving, for thou hast her yielding. In no other way then could a bond have been. Thou hast then thine authority of necessity, proceeding from nature; maintain also the bond that proceedeth from love, for this alloweth the weaker to be endurable.”

“God forbid that a man who possesses faith should, when he hears the apostle bid men "love their wives," love that carnal concupiscence in his wife which he ought not to love even in himself; as he may know, if he listens to the words of another apostle: "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is, in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever, even as also God abideth for ever."”

“Once the general instruction to all has been laid down, here he begins to set down the special instruction. First he gives certain special teachings pertaining to the individual states within the Church; second, certain teachings common to all states with respect to certain conditions, in chapter IV, at "be instant in prayer." The first is divided into three, according to the three bonds from which a household is constituted, according to the Philosopher: of which one is that of husband and wife; the second, of father and son; the other, of master and servant. The second is at "children." The third, at "servants." Each of these is divided into two, according as he admonishes the subjects to obey, and the superiors to command with moderation. He therefore says wives, etc., and he says as is fitting, because this subjection is ordained by divine law. Gen. 3:16: "you shall be under your husband's power, and he shall have dominion over you." 1 Cor. 14:34: "let women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted them to speak, but to be subject, as the law also says." And the reason for this is that to rule belongs to reason; but men are stronger in reason, and therefore ought to preside. Likewise he adds in the Lord, because all things ordained to certain ends must be referred finally to God. Then he admonishes the husbands to love them, saying husbands, love your wives, for this is natural, since husband and wife are in a certain way one. Eph. 5:25: "husbands, love your wives," et cetera. And he forbids that they be bitter toward them. Mic. 1:12: "she who dwells in bitterness has grown weak unto good." Eph. 4:31: "let all bitterness, and anger, and indignation, and clamor, and blasphemy be taken away from you, with all malice." Then when he says children, etc., he deals with the second, and says children, obey in all things, namely, those things which are not against God. Heb. 12:9: "we have indeed had the fathers of our flesh for instructors, and we reverenced them," et cetera. But if they should command in matters that are against God, then that saying is to be understood which is said in Lk. 14:26: "if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother," et cetera. And this, because this is well-pleasing to the Lord, that is, according to the law of the Lord, because the law of charity does not remove the law of nature, but perfects it. Now it is a law of nature that the son be subject to the care of the father. Ex. 20:12: "honor your father and your mother," et cetera. Then when he says fathers, do not, etc., he instructs the parents. Eph. 6:4: "and you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath," et cetera. And this, lest they become of small spirit, that is, lest they become fainthearted. And the reason for this is that men retain the impression which they had from childhood. Now it is natural that those who are reared in servitude should always be fainthearted. Whence a certain one gives this as the reason why the children of Israel were not led at once into the land of promise: because they had been reared in servitude, and would not have had the boldness to fight against enemies. Is. 35:4: "say to the fainthearted," et cetera. Then when he says servants, obey, he deals with the third; and first he sets down the admonition concerning servants; second he shows the reason, at knowing; third he excludes a doubt, at for he who. Concerning the first he does two things: first he admonishes them to obedience; second he determines the manner of obeying, at not to the eye. He says therefore servants, according to the condition of the flesh, obey in all things, namely those things which are not against God. 1 Pet. 2:18: "not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward," et cetera. 1 Tim., last chapter: "whoever are under the yoke of servitude, let them esteem their masters worthy of all honor." Then when he says not to the eye, he teaches the manner of obeying. And he shows two manners of obeying: first, that it be simply and without deceit; second he shows that it be willingly. He says therefore not to the eye, namely, only insofar as it can be seen by the master. Eph. 6:6, similarly. And he says as pleasing men, because they serve in this manner only so as to please men. Gal. 1:10: "if I still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Therefore he adds but in simplicity of heart, etc., that is, without deceit, fearing the Lord, as in Job 1:1: "that man was simple and upright, and fearing God." Prov. 11:3: "the simplicity of the just shall guide them," et cetera. Likewise, willingly; hence he says whatsoever you do, from the heart, that is, readily, work. And this as to the Lord, because he who serves someone on account of the order of justice does this on account of God, from whom this order comes. Rom. 13:2: "he who resists authority resists the ordinance of God." Eph. 6:6: "doing the will of God from the heart, serving with good will, as," et cetera. Then when he says knowing, he shows a twofold reason for this: one on the part of reward, the other on the part of devotion to God. He says therefore: serve readily, because from the Lord you will receive the recompense of an eternal inheritance. Ps. 15:6: "the lines have fallen unto me in goodly places, yea, my inheritance is goodly unto me." Eph. 6:8: "knowing that whatsoever good thing each one shall have done, this he shall receive from the Lord, whether servant or free." For it was the opinion of some that an act of justice is not meritorious, because this seemed to be owed, and it is not meritorious to give someone what is his own. But it must be known that from the fact that you do it willingly, from this you put in something of your own, because it is within your power to will or not to will, and thus it is meritorious. Servants, however, serve their master out of debt, and therefore, that they may have a reward, they do this willingly. But serve them in such a way that you do not withdraw from God. Likewise another reason is that in this way you serve the Lord Christ. Rom. 12:11: "fervent in spirit, to the Lord," et cetera. Then when he says for he who, he removes a doubt. For a servant might say: how shall I serve one who does me wrong? And so he says: it is not yours to avenge yourself, by withholding from him what is his, but await it from him who is able, because he who does wrong, et cetera. 2 Cor. 5:10: "for we must all be made manifest before the judgment seat of Christ, that each may receive the things proper to the body, according to what he has done, whether good or evil." Eph. 6:9: "and there is no respect of persons with God." Acts 10:34: "God is not a respecter of persons." Then when he says masters, he shows how masters should conduct themselves toward servants. And concerning this he does two things: first he gives the teaching; second he renders the reason for it, at knowing. Now a master can burden his servants in two ways: namely, by doing against them what the justice of the law forbids, since according to the laws it is not lawful for a master to be savage toward a servant. Therefore he says what is just. Likewise, if he should exact the whole debt, which Christian gentleness mitigates. Therefore he says and equitable. Job 31:13: "if I have despised to submit," et cetera. Then when he says knowing, etc., the reason is given, because as you conduct yourself toward them, so the Lord toward you. Eph. 6:8: "knowing," et cetera.”

“Husbands, love your wives,.... See Gill on Eph 5:25. and be not bitter against them; turning love into hatred of their persons; ruling with rigour, and in a tyrannical manner; behaving towards them in a morose, churlish, and ill natured way; giving them either bitter words, or blows, and denying them their affection, care, provision, protection, and assistance, but using them as servants, or worse. All which is barbarous, brutish, and unchristian, and utterly unbecoming the Gospel.”